my kids didn't really care that much about their costumes. maybe it had something to do with having swine flu and being on our deathbeds for the week leading up to halloween. i think carson decided a day or two before halloween that he wanted to be a pirate...just like last year. layla wanted to be princess dora, a.k.a. layla herself in her favorite dressup with a tiara (i guess dora went platinum blonde this year). i put the smallest amount of effort humanly possible into their costumes. i mean, sure, i got excited with them and we made an extra stop at king's to buy carson's pirate sword and i offered to fix layla's hair super-fancy like a princess' (an offer she gently refused), but honestly. zero, lame-o effort on this mom's part.
but my kids were happy and felt dressed up. in fact, before heading off to school on friday morning, carson asked me, "mom, don't you think my costume looks like a real pirate? don't you think my costume will be the coolest at my school? (pause, then somberly) will other kids feel bad that their costumes aren't as cool as mine?" yes, maybe, probably not.
which brings me to my point of reflection/introspection: is it really laziness, or is it just simplifying an otherwise crazy life when you match the level of your kids' excitement about stuff? i've been reading some blogs out there, and some of my peers (you know who you are) are amazing and go hog-wild about every holiday and everything, which, don't get me wrong, is AWESOME and their kids are going to look back on their childhood with extreme fondness.i sometimes worry that my kids are missing out because of my lack of proactivity and creativity. i mean, we do some stuff and i don't want to be unfair to myself--i don't sit around watching soaps all day. i'm into their lives and we go the park and we have picnics inside and outside and we do projects and we explore and play hide and seek and drink hot cocoa "just because" and we read and snuggle and have family night and play games. but i don't really do extravagant stuff, and i'm starting to worry that, on occasion, it wouldn't be a bad use of my time, for my kids' sakes. but then it comes back to my laziness.
thoughts? perspective? advice?
13 comments:
The most important thing they'll remember is: you cared - you did fun things TOGETHER. Sure they weren't expensive and outlandish, but who cares - don't they end up playing with the box of any gift you buy anyway?! We drive from AZ every year to go to Twin Lakes (24 hr. drive) and honestly if it weren't for the people, I would stop going because it's anything but a 5-star resort - closer to no-star resort.... :) but it's worth it because of the friends/family we go with. It doesn't matter where you go, it's the people you spend it with that matter. :)love ya brit!
First off, you are one amazing mom! It's the little things that we do...and decorating for holidays is overrated. I still have Halloween stuff up and I don't see it coming down this week either. I find that I am happier when we are all just playing together and showing love for one another..and breaking up a few arguments too..he he.
I agree with Alison. It's more important that you are spending time with them...as in all the time, every day. Doing silly, seemingly insignificant things like playing with them, dress-up, picnics, family night, etc (all the stuff you said you do). But those are the things that really matter! Brit you are a great mom! and your kids will remember their childhood with fondness even if it didn't include outlandish holiday plans and expensive halloween costumes.
"...when tons of kids were dressed up to the max in these intense, totally awesome costumes."
oh you are so talking about my kids right??? bwahahaha!
ok for real now. I think this sums it up:
"but my kids were happy and felt dressed up."
bingo. As for all of the extra stuff, the fun crazy over-the-top costumes? decorations? go-all-out traditions? I think all of that is fine, too. But as a Mom, I realize if I DO choose to do that stuff, it's because I want it, not my kids.
ok, sorry for basically re-copying your entire post but I also agree with this:
"or is it just simplifying an otherwise crazy life when you match the level of your kids' excitement about stuff?"
YES.
I think it's a gift to be able to just live simply and happily. Your kids (and hopefully mine) will remember the feeling of the holidays. (ex. Was Mom totally stressed out trying to finish that costume? or did Mom have lots of fun with us...just BEING there?)
Anyway, bottom line: I think "supermom" is a relative term. Crafts and amazing traditions don't define excellent parenting, parenting does.
(that came across weird. Not trying to be advicey....)
you have happy, well-adjusted kids who are loved. what more could they ask for? :) (or at least that's what i keep telling myself when i feel like you. :) )
All this time I thought you WERE Supermom! Man, am I disappointed! :) Totally normal feelings, from a totally normal, wonderful mom! I have had the exact same thoughts as you, and it hasn't been until the last two years or so, that I have "let it go." It is easy to get caught up in the "world" and the extravegance of holidays throughout the whole year. Your kids are kind, happy, and bright; keep doing things the way you like to do them! Love,Steph
Interestingly enough I actually feel the same way sometimes. (And considering the comment you left me on my blog you may find that pretty ironic).
So to give you the "other" side of the story....
I am still trying to learn how to manage my time wisely, how to do things for the right reasons and with the right results. Sometimes I try to cram so much in that nobody has fun and everybody is left feeling completely stressed out.
Another reason we did so much is quite honestly because I got a little freaked out this year with all the sudden deaths with swine flu and a number of other unexpected reasons. I felt panicked to spend as much time with my kids as possible and "projects" seem to be the best way to slow me down and make time for them. (sad I know.)
With all that said, please know it is not always like this. Also, know that on numerous occasions I have read YOUR blog and felt inspired to stop and smell the roses with my children. Throw out all the fanfare and just enjoy THEM. You inspire ME!!
So stop beating yourself up and laugh at all of us suckers who run around like a chicken with it's head cut off :).
Just so you know three of those costumes I did not put together, i just borrowed them. Nathan's Fred costume was a la DI and Ryan's scooby I bought. This was the first year that I did anything this crazy, and while it was fun, I am much more simple like you and will happily revert to that next year. I think your kids will remember all the fun thing s you do with your kids, and pass it on to their kids. You are doing a great job!
I can't really say anything that doesn't paraphrase all the gals, but, I think we all have our moments of feeling like that. And, conversely, we have our moments when we think we're doing a pretty darn good job. Keep being the mom you are.
I think about my mom... she wasn't an over-achiever (nor was she a slacker-mom) when it came to these kinds of things (where moms can get pretty competetive). She just helped us to feel happy and then we went out, had fun, and didn't even care about what we had or didn't have. She never cared about keeping up with the rat race, and because of that, WE didn't really care either. It didn't matter, and it DOESN'T matter. I KNOW you know that. Stick to your guns. I love you.
i hate halloween and my kids are lucky they even get to go trick or treating. . . only to have their mom steal all their good chocolate when they go to bed.
wow - i'm evil.
girl, you should not be feeling bad at all! i think just the fact that you get your kids dressed up and do fun things is all that matters. being a mom is crazy enough...you really have to pick and choose where you will spend most of your time. who wants to spend hours and hours putting a costume together which is worn for about 5 hours total and gets forgotten afterwards...when all that time could be spent doing activities with the kids?!?! i mean, really...NO ONE is supermom, no matter how much they think they are. there is no such thing. we all just do our best and love our little darlings to pieces. BTW -- carson's pirate costume is AWESOME!!! i totally love it. he makes me laugh and is just such a cutie.
LOL on Kathy's comment. How do I follow this up? I think it's all been said...except for the fact that I REALLY do get what you mean about Halloween costumes. I put cole's costume together for $10 and he was a pirate too.
He was happy even though I didn't spend a ton of money on HIM, decorations, candy, parties, etc. (Most kids at this age don't even know the difference).
I look back and don't remember all the THINGS I did as a child, but I do remember that I loved the time I spent with my family.
We live in a neighborhood where people have MONEY. And they go all out. Naturally I'm the poor one who has to make do with what we have and I had a hard time adjusting to that. I hated being the exception to activities and play dates, etc. But now I have embraced the thought that I am saving money, and still making fond memories.
Joll and long--but just know that I always admire you and think of what a good mom/wife/homemaker you are. If I can be like you when I have more kids (and even just with Cole) I'll be a happy girl.
Don't waste your time even pondering that silly thought. You're there for your kids, you're soaking up the moments with them that God gives you. Your kids will forever remember the warmth, positivity (positiveness?), and fun that you exude.
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